Since I retired in early February I have been searching. Let me be more specific, since February I have begun searching and questioning in earnest about what’s God’s purpose and meaning for having created ME. Me… with all my flaws and quirks… What was He thinking when one day in October 1955 I came down the proverbial shoot and landed here on this earthly plane?
Before retiring I had days full of commuting, working, with general life maintenance tasks to accomplish and weeks filled with squeezing in other stuff…. Like touching base with family and friends, grocery shopping, and of course binge-watching meaningless television. Back then – during my working days – my deep thoughts were relegated to times while driving, weeding the garden, for example and – true confessions – while in the bathroom…
It’s funny. In the past I always thought my life’s purpose and God’s plan had something to do with my creative nature and the art produced as a result, but now that I have had more time to think I’m not so sure.
And that’s where all this questioning and searching has come to the surface and demands my full attention.
You see it came to mind one day – during all this earnest searching – that maybe God’s plan for my life has little to do with creating art and everything to do with touching and meeting people through the art.
Hmmmm…. Could that be so?
And if it is so then that revelation could be freeing in so many ways.
For example, when I sit to paint…. I don’t have to even think about the whether this next art project will be a masterpiece because it doesn’t matter. In the greater scheme of things this painting or drawing isn’t my purpose for being here… but the journey through the process is what is important.
The journey through the trying and not quitting – that’s what is important.
The journey through the process of learning and practicing – that’s what is important.
And the journey to my local outdoor art shows so I can share and meet other creatives – That’s what is important.
Not the selling, awards or accolades – even though they can be nice – but the sharing with other creatives who are also searching!
Could it be that what is truly important and part of God’s plan is that I use this creative gift to share and love others through my sharing? Period. Not for the awards, not for the money, not for the accolades, but for the to connection with my Creator, to shine His light through my sharing and to please Him with gratitude for this gift he has given me?
One thing I know for sure is that when I paint, I am at my most peace filled. My mind is quiet and I feel connected with my God. Plain and simple.
So… let me think about this a little more and try to let go and just be God’s flawed and quirky creation with a paint brush in my hand and hope in my heart.
I still do hope to create a masterpiece one day… but if I don’t will I be okay with that?
Hmmmm…. Let me think about that for a while!