It’s been weeks since I’ve written and in the interim I haven’t exercised … at all, that is unless you count walking to my recliner to watch useless TV. I was about to write – SHAME – but shame isn’t a word that will help me move forward here. Shame is a word filled with emotional negativity and will no doubt stop me again. As I am about to don my sneakers, bulky winter jacket, hat, gloves, Ipod Shuffle loaded with my favs and walk out into blustery, 21-degree temperatures, shame is the last extra thing I need to drag along. I looked up “shame” in the dictionary just for the heck of it…
shame | SHām | noun: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior:
Confirmed! No, shame is not welcome or helpful!
I’ve been reading some books lately that are helping… (Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey) but the ultimate get up and go has to come from me. All the words in the world from others can be motivating but it is the “doing something” that will bring me back to health, both physically and mentally. Each, the mental and physical, are intricate puzzle pieces. One being out of balance can drag the other down. What’s more is I am an artist and the mental is essential in order to keep from being a tortured and unbalanced artist whose best work is inside her.
So, I believe it’s time to try to sort out the meaning and purpose of my life. It’s also time to walk out that door and begin again. The truth is I know it will not be easy because I’ve let myself go for many years. There have been fits and starts but I’ve never brought myself to good health or painted to my fullest potential.
It’s nearly spring here in Upstate New York. Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth and so it seems like a good time to begin again without shame. It’s time to begin again with a clean slate acknowledging that it won’t be easy but anything worth having requires consistent effort and there’s no shame in trying again! This time could be the charm. This time could be the time my potential is unlocked and unleashed. This time could be the time when my puzzle pieces interlock perfectly and my Divine purpose is revealed. I’m ready … I’m walking out that door… brrrr it’s cold… ! Don’t wimp out now! Walk on girl!