“Round Bales” is an original watercolor available at ETSY RaineyDeweyArt

It’s Monday morning and the bitter cold has returned.  I’d hoped for a minute that winter was over – what with the warmth of those few sixty and seventy degree days we enjoyed last week.  But those days were just teasers and I know we will have to wait for winter’s cycle to complete itself in due course.

Truthfully, I’d rather keep my body wrapped underneath sweaters, jackets and coats.  I am not looking forward to the shedding of all the winter apparel that has kept my bulk “hidden” for so many months.  Shedding is something I had hoped would happen during these past winter months but has not as my fleshly desire for food – too much food – has proven too strong and my will too weak to net any significant shedding of the extra poundage that I have carried for many years.

This life-long struggle with self-indulgence and a certain lack of self-control began to culminate into health issues as I slid into my sixty-something years and somehow still I struggle even knowing my life is at stake.  Sounding so dramatic is meant to shake me awake.  Me trying to shake me awake somehow but I know from past experience that “me shaking me awake” will not work.  I am more than certain that I am in need of a miracle from God to conquer my overeating.  I yearn for a miracle and pray for one now.

It feels like my life right now is a desert, stripped bare of relationships, personal and financial freedom, stark, alone and yet I know that I am blessed.  I have a lot, more than most.  I have a decent job, a lovely home, food (more than enough food) and I know that God is here beside me.  Two sides of the same coin, the blessings and the challenges.

I wish things were different.  I wish that my body was light and fit.  I wish that I had taken better care of myself over the years.  I wish… I wish…

I know full well wishing won’t make it so.  That the only way to make it so is to “do” and “don’t.”  Do exercise.  Don’t overeat.  Simple?  Simple but so very complicated when the human will and emotions are intertwined together in this thing I call my life.

Dear Lord I pray for healing.