Coffee...I need more coffee...!

Work has been busy and challenging lately. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it but my real job, the one that supports my lifestyle (such as it is), is in a law office where I’ve worked for more than ten years. Not the “Perry Mason” type law but a little less exciting practice area – energy.

Recently there has been a change to the office dynamic as my friend and coworker moved back home. That change has left a void in my personal and work life and since her departure I can say that my job has become more challenging and busy, full-on busy. The new responsibility that I’ve taken on has become and education and these days as I walk out the door at the end of each day I feel as though I’ve earned my salary. It feels good, it feels right to work to your full potential, to work hard.

Don’t get me wrong, I still yearn to be an artist full-time but realize that today is all I have and today I need to dedicate my full commitment to the here and now and right now my job is in a law office.

Though I haven’t given up the dream I have stopped the constant yearning for something that isn’t happening right now. The stress and discontentment of constant yearning was counterproductive . The key now is to find a balance between providing for my practical needs and feeding my spiritual desires. I’ll let you know once I’m come up what that secret recipe.

In the meantime I’d better get ready for work. The work that provides for my human needs, but that I can also see feeds my spiritual needs as well. Hard work feeds the spirit no matter what kind of work it might be and while it might not be what the ego wants it is what God has provided. I need to be grateful for it and am.

A quick sketch is all it takes sometimes to get going again.

I sure hope I haven’t forgotten how to paint.   It’s been a while, that I’ll admit, since I put serious brush to paper or canvas.  I know from experience that creativity comes in fits and starts, it ebbs and flows and when you work full-time like I do sometimes there are dry spells because life just gets too busy.   That by the way is an excuse.

Lately though I’ve been feeling out of balance and have been turning to all kinds of things to bring myself back into alignment.  No amount of chocolate chip cookies will do that and what I know for sure is that nothing can right my sails like doing something creative.   Unfortunately, I bring lots of expectations each time I sit down at my art desk and that is a grave mistake.   Particularly after not dipping the brush for a while.

So tonight I need play like a kid without a care, with pure joy and no judgment.   That is the only way to get restarted.  Plunge in and see what happens because sitting on the sidelines is making me very cranky.  What’s more I know that God has given me this urge to be creative and I believe it is rude to return a gift unused and seemingly unappreciated.

This afternoon on the way home from work I was listening to an audio presentation by Dr. Wayne Dyer about living an inspired life and he said something that just hit me… hard.  Here’s what he said (I paraphrase) “don’t leave this world with your song still inside you.”  The meaning is so profound for me right now.  I need to sing my song and I sing my song with a brush and paint and paper and canvas.  It’s time to sing again and see what grand symphony comes but if just a little jingle shows up I need to be equally satisfied.

So…okay… here goes…it’s playtime and I’m gonna get my crayons and play!

A baby for everyone!

It really has been a busy few weeks and each weekend held a commitment of some kind or other. Last weekend my parents and I (is “I” or “me” – I’m not sure) headed south to Long Island for a visit to see the latest additions to our family – Matthew and Michael – twins born to my son, Michael and his wife, Kathy.

My plan was to pick up Mumzie & Pa at around 8:45 a.m., load the car and be on the road by 9:00 a.m. Since I tend to possess chronic lateness syndrome I knew it was risky to make such a commitment to my parents as they are prompt, always prompt. Surprisingly, I pulled into their driveway a mere five minutes behind schedule and we were on the road by 9:01 a.m.! Hot Dog!

The trip, all tolled, is nearly 200 miles and the first 100 or so are pretty easy on the New York State Thruway heading south from Upstate New York to Downstate. Those miles tend to be relatively light in the traffic department and heavy in the tree, farmland, grazing cattle department.

However, once over the Hudson River by way of the Tappan Zee Bridge our drive became more intense with bumper-to-bumper traffic, high rises on both sides and New York City in the distance. As we made our way past the Bronx, Yonkers, Laguardia Airport and Shea Stadium, etc., it was hard to catch a glimpse at such speeds that are out of my driving comfort zone. Drivers tend to be in a hurry down there and my Upstate sensibility and driving style seems out of place. Truthfully, after many trips Downstate I’ve noted that there are relatively few really obnoxious drivers but they are the ones that are remembered and hence the reputation for aggressive driving goes to all Downstaters. I know it’s not right but it is.

Anyhow, with one stop for breakfast and pottying Mumzie, Pa and I (again, is it I or me… help) arrived at Mike and Kathy’s intact at around 12:30 or so. Hugs and hellos welcomed us. All the “kids” were asleep, but we stole glimpses of the babies as our conversation mixed with Matty and Mikey’s cooing that served as the perfect background music.

We would spend our two nights and two days getting caught up, enjoying each others’ company and holding babies… lots of babies… one for everyone. Grace demanded her share of attention and I was happy to accommodate. We walked the neighborhood several times taking in all the homes decorated for Halloween with Grace’s favorite house with a large, scary inflatable cat, skeletons, spiders and such all around and designed to be frightful. With Grace it was more fascinating than scary and more than one trip would be made over the weekend to see the “Big Guy” as she came to refer to the inflatable cat.

It was too soon when it would be time to head home but I always defer to Dr. Seuss at times like this… “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Luvy

Thinking about family and friends reminds me of Penny, my loyal canine friend who died last June.  After Penny was gone my house became eerily quiet and very lonely.  With just two fish and me in residence there was a lifelessness that enveloped the place.

Now, I have nothing against tropical fish, but they are lean in the companionship department and are bitchin’ to walk on a leash.   Our only interaction is at feeding time when they swim to the top of the tank and wave their pectoral fins through the glass. Yawn. . .  See what I mean, not much goin’ on.

Penny, on the other hand, was always happy to see me even if I’d scolded or ignored her the day before.   Feeding time was always exciting with barking, jumping and wagging for the same ole’ dry kibble.  She was a true friend and most of the time a great companion less the piddle on the rug.

The quietness began to wear thin and in late July I began thinking about adopting a pet of some kind.  After Mumzie and Pa adopted two “older” cats the wheels really began to turn in earnest and I thought maybe I was ready to make that commitment again.   This time though I was determined that things would be different.  It was imperative that I be more patient, loving and committed than I’d been in the past with Penny and other pets along the way.

One Saturday soon after, I found myself pulling into the parking lot of the Schoharie Valley Animal Shelter.  From the car I could see several cats in the indoor/outdoor cat containment area.  As I walked over to the cat cage  one particular cat meowed loudly over and over again and when I put my fingers through the mesh fence she rubbed her neck against my them in the most intense “I love you” way.  Done, I was won over in that instant.

Though the facility was officially closed the animal caretakers let me in to meet the other prospective adoptees, provided I didn’t mind the smell.  In I went to the “cat room” and almost instantaneously a gray and black tabby climbed onto my lap and purring commenced (for both of us).

That was the moment I decided to… . call my sister.

“Call your sister” you ask with questioning interest.

Yes, call my sister.   You see I always call my “yes man” when I’m about to do something I’m just not sure of and that person is my sister.  She a straight-shooter who talks me down when I’m thinking of doing something destructive, unhealthy or outrageous and the person who says “GET EM!”  when you’re about to adopt two cats!

Lil' Miss

My mind is full from a weekend well-spent. Yesterday morning I hitched a ride with my sister, Bethy, and her husband, Conrad, as they headed out to an arts and craft festival in Rhinebeck, New York. Rhinebeck is about 60 miles south of Albany and a really nice ride with the autumn colors just beginning to kiss the trees.  The air was mild with a little rain but not enough to deter us from making the trip.  Avoiding the highway we meandered south on Route 9W enjoying the landscape sprinkled with homes, farms and a little town or two.

Arriving at around 11:30 a.m. the festival did not disappoint with a wide variety of vendors displaying the fruits of their creative inventiveness. I’m always inspired when I attend one of these shows and remain in absolute awe of the things that spring forth from the human imagination.

Local wineries were peddling homegrown Merlot and Cabernet plus their own specialty vinos.  Spices, candies and Italian meats and cheeses were available in abundance all being hard to resist.  I purchased some spaghetti sauce flavored with Vodka and a savory spice mix that was promised to enhance almost any dish, both of which I’ll stash in my pantry to use later as a special treat.

We found quilts, hats, jackets, boots, jewelry and angel wings that could be had for a few dollars or a few hundred. Of course, I was on the look out for artwork and pottery and found some of each taking home a hand-thrown plate glazed in shades of blue, aqua and sienna. We browsed through the show at a leisurely pace and grabbed a quick lunch when we were about half way through. By the time we walked past the last vendor booth our minds were suffering from extreme sensory overload and we knew it was time to head home.

The drive home was filled with intermittent chatter, short stretches of companionable silence and in little over an hour we pulled in the driveway of Bet & Conrad’s cozy, country home.  But alas think not that this might be the end of the day.

I’d brought my pajamas with the intention of staying overnight in Bet & Conrad’s guest room that has been named “The Rainey Room” for the frequency of use by “yours truly.” So as we all got settled in and unloaded our treasures Conrad cracked open a bottle of wine and sliced up some of the aromatic and flavorful cheeses we’d purchased at the festival. We would feast on sun dried tomatoes marinated in olive oil, shrimp, Prosciutto and a glass or two of vino with nonstop conversation and laughter until our minds and bodies begged for rest.

Bet & Conrad checking out with some healthy stuff!

In the morning over steaming cups of flavorful coffee the chatter began again in earnest.  It seems that when you’re in the company of true friends there is never a shortage of conversation.  Once gassed up we headed to Ballston Lake for a hearty breakfast at the Lakeside Farm and Cider Mill. As we pulled into Lakeside Farm I could see freshly harvested apples and pumpkins all around and once inside found the store is chocked full of all kinds of fresh produce, cheese, candies, baked goods, fresh breads and so much more.  This time of year with the abundant harvest makes me grateful and appreciative knowing not everyone is equally blessed.  Breakfast was delicious and once filled beyond capacity I knew it would be time soon to head for home.

But alas think not that this might be the end of our time together because before heading back to Bet & Conrad’s we stopped at Focastle Farm for some apple cider donuts that Conrad said were a “must have” and  I admit to enjoying every bite of those fresh, moist, cinnamon, sugar bits of heaven in spite of the fact that my appetite had be satisfied only a half hour before.

It was finally time and with great reluctance I said my “goodbyes” and headed for home with wonderful memories tucked in my heart of time spent with treasured friends.  Friends that are family are a double blessing.  We know each other so well and share a history that bonds us like no others.  I smile now recalling the day and will do so many times in the years to come.  I believe this is what life is about – connecting, laughing and loving when you get the chance!

My guess is this is Grace with Matthew but I'm not positive about that.

Where has the time gone?  “The Brothers” (my two new grandsons) were born just 9 days ago but in my mind that visit seems a distant memory somehow.  Perhaps it’s the miles that separate us or maybe it’s my busy work life in either case I am happy to be a grandmother again.  As I watch from a distance I’m reminded of the birth of my own twin sons more than 35 years ago last August.

I had no real warning.  I knew, of course, that I was going to have a baby but was not prepared for the news there would be two.  Ultrasound scanners were not routinely used during pregnancy back when I was expecting my sons so it was human oversight that missed that second baby until nearly the final hour.

We had a few days to adjust to the idea of two instead of one and shortly thereafter my “crash course” in parenthood began.  Looking back I can see that there was lots of room for improvement but my sons grew into fine young men in spite of me and my inexperience.   Oh that 20-20 hindsight reveals all the flaws in our past behavior, but there’s nothing to be done about that now all these years later.

If I could impart any wisdom to my son as he begins raising his twin sons it would be this – examine the past with a forgiving heart, plan for the future without expectation, live in the here and now with as much contentment as you can muster and know that temporary sleep deprivation is not fatal.

One of Grace's first questions . . . "Can they walk?"

To my son, Michael, and his wife, Kathy, born September 19, 2011 – Matthew & Michael.   Babies and Mom are all doing well!

Here's my granddaughter, Grace. First day of school and can't wait to meet "the brothers."

[Stay Tuned... For Matthew and Michael Photos...]

The waiting is almost over.  Back in my day we waited nine months but these days the wait is measured in weeks.  Whichever way you calculate it babies are born when they’re good and ready most of the time.

As I wait these final few days for the birth of my 2nd and 3rd grandchildren – yes, twin boys - I contemplate again the wonder and miracle of life.   Where are Matthew Charles and Michael Joseph?  Yes, I know where they are right now, they are in their cozy womb.  What I really mean is where have they been while we all have been here living our lives?

I’m certain of this, that the individual spirits of Matthew and Michael have been with God waiting for their incarnation, but where exactly is that?!  I have my theories and I realize as I’ve gotten older everyone needs to come to their own conclusions about these things.

Another thing I know with certainty these days is that there is a God who communicates with us if we listen; a God who guides us if we will follow; a God who loves us even with our imperfections; a God who forgives us even when we can’t forgive ourselves and, of course, a God who keeps us in His loving hands as we travel to and from this earthly life.

I know it won’t be long now and my son, Michael’s, family will be plus two!   Anytime now Matthew and Michael will make their debut here on earth and to quote their big sister, Grace, “When are the brothers going to be born? I’m excited to meet them!”

I will miss my Morning Glories...

The night air is cool on my arm as it tumbles in the living room window.  I sit reclined on the sofa with pillows all around enjoying the solitude.  With the television off all that can be heard are a few crickets chirping out back, some unidentifiable insect making noise and an occasional vehicle on its way to some unknown destination.  The combination is producing the most peaceful evening symphony.  This is an autumn night – no doubt.  Regardless of the fact that fall won’t officially arrive until next week this night feels like autumn.

I enjoy this time of year very much.  I’ve often thought that we like the season in which we were born the best and I’m still inclined to think that might be true.  If I had to choose just one season as my favorite I suppose this time of year would be it and October is my birth month so my research is complete and confirms my thought to be fact (in my mind at least).

I love the time of harvest and never tire of the colorful display the trees provide in the fall.  In spite of fact that the show ends way too soon before winter descends upon us I’m looking forward hunkering down, snuggling in and being relieved of most outdoor tasks for a while.  I’m looking forward to a warm fire and hot chili.  I’m looking forward to Bethy and Conrad’s pumpkin carving party where everyone gets involved.

But I need to stop right here looking forward because sometimes when we look too far ahead we lose today. Today is what we have and this moment is where we are. Tomorrow everything can change and that is both the exciting and unpredictable nature of life.

I’ve been trying to live my life on purpose lately but it’s hard.   Our lives are fast paced and as I’ve gotten older the days seem to slip by and blur one into the next.  Perhaps it is because I spend too much time looking back with regret and looking forward in anticipation when in fact I need to be observing my present just like I am right now.  Feeling the cool air and listening to crickets.