"Summer Read," Watercolor Sketch

Why is it so hard to get restarted?  I know from experience that my creativity ebbs and flows and I’ve learned not to fight the times when I retreat from the art to some other activity or commitment.   It’s SOP (standard operating procedure) now to just wait for the well of motivation to fill up and when the well is full I know it’s time to play again.

The thing is . . . knowledge of this cycle does not make the returning any easier at times.  What inevitably happens is my fears and insecurities begin to surface with a vengeance as soon as I have brush or pencil in hand.

“You can’t paint!” . . . “Artist . . ha!” . . .   “Pretending you’re an artist again hey?!”

My insecurities have a loud voice and are quite insistent at times.  They wield a lot of power if allowed to go unchecked.  This noise that comes from my fear can drown out the creative urge.  As my wastebasket fills with half-starts and failed work, the negative self-talk can intensify and shut down the whole process.

So over the past couple of days I’ve turned the volume way down on the voice of fear and insecurity while remembering that this creative process is supposed to be fun, a time to practice, learn and connect with God.  I find that even when my drawing or painting isn’t my best effort the peace and enjoyment I reap is still beyond measure.  My positive self-talk is what keeps the whole process fun whether I end with a success or failure it’s that CAN DO attitude that will bring the best results in the end.

I read once that every failure is necessary in order to produce that one masterwork.  I take comfort in the fact that I’m one painting closer to my masterwork with the added bonus of having had fun the process.

The truth is I’ll continue to paint even if every piece comes out like crap because you never know that next one could be IT and I’m never happier than when I’m being creative in some way.